est. 2026 · london · edition no. 1

spaff.

the future, finally released. a little earlier than planned.

spaff is the thing the most ambitious people on earth have been quietly waiting for. it's faster than what you use now. it's simpler than what you use now. and it's ready when you are, usually a little before.

14,382 people ahead of you. don't worry, it moves fast.

fig. 1 · the objectin motion since 2026

01 · manifesto

for too long, the world has held back. waited for the right moment. built up to it. over-thought it.

we think the right moment is now. and frankly, it usually arrives sooner than anyone expects.

spaff is for the people who just want to get it out there.

joakim .h, founder · holborn · autumn 2026 · meet joakim →

02 · the numbers

engineered for one thing. you know the one.

release rate

idles at a respectable pace. hits the red the moment you get excited.

build-up

pressure accumulates gradually, then all at once. this is normal.

tension

measured immediately after use. readings this low are typical.

format
compact, discreet, one size fits most
output
740 releases per hour, at full excitement
time to finish
2 minutes 47 seconds. we tried to make it longer.
controls
fully manual, if you prefer
afterwards
noticeably lighter
friction
0.003, patent pending
longevity
almost three minutes, on a good day
warranty
void once released. no exceptions.

03 · finishes

available in five finishes. all of them matte.

no. 01

bone

the original. goes with everything and wipes clean.

no. 02

slate

for people who like to keep things discreet.

no. 03

plum

rich, a bit flushed, slightly overexcited.

no. 04

sage

calm, grounded and ethically released.

no. 05

ochre

warm and a little seventies. like your dad's study.

04 · principles

three things we believe, very firmly.

release early. release often.

the best ideas don't sit around waiting to be perfect. we ship the moment inspiration strikes, then we ship again. our changelog is, honestly, a lot.

avg. time to release: 2m 47s

built for volume.

whether you're one person or ten thousand, spaff scales with you. peak loads are handled gracefully. no mess, no fuss, nothing left to clean up.

load tested to 40,000 units/sec

radically low friction.

every interaction is engineered to feel smooth. we spent eighteen months removing resistance from every surface you'll touch. you'll feel the difference.

friction index: 0.003

05 · how it works

it's really very simple.

people ask us to explain spaff in one sentence. we usually just smile and tell them they'll know when it happens. here's the process, roughly.

  1. 01

    build up

    connect your workspace. bring your team, your tools and your ambitions.

  2. 02

    get comfortable

    spaff learns your rhythm and adapts to your pace, whatever that pace happens to be.

  3. 03

    let go

    one click. that's it. that's the whole thing. most customers describe it as a huge relief.

  4. 04

    do it again

    recovery time varies by plan. enterprise customers get priority.

06 · voices

don't take our word for it.

“i didn't know what i was getting into. ten minutes later it was all over my desk, and i've never looked back.”
someone seniora company you've heard of
“honestly? it finished before i was ready.”
a vp, somewhereseries b, probably
“we spaffed our entire q3 budget on it. best decision we made all year.”
head of somethingfortune 500, allegedly

07 · questions

so what does spaff actually do?

great question. spaff does what you need it to do, exactly when you need it done, and sometimes slightly before. we prefer to let the experience speak for itself.

who is it for?

anyone with a bit of pent-up potential. founders, operators, creatives, enterprise teams, your uncle. if you've ever felt something building and needed a release, spaff is for you.

how long does setup take?

most people are done in under three minutes. some finish in under one. we don't judge. it happens to more teams than you'd think.

is it secure?

spaff is fully contained at all times. we're soc 2 aligned, iso-adjacent and always use protection. nothing leaks unless you want it to.

what happens to my data afterwards?

everything you produce on spaff belongs to you. where it ends up is entirely your business. we just provide the platform.

can i try it before i commit?

absolutely. the free tier lets you have a quick go whenever the urge strikes. no card, no strings, no awkward conversation afterwards.

08 · now hiring

come early.
join us.

we're hiring across engineering, design and something we're calling "outbound release". fully remote, unlimited holiday, and the most generous output policy in the industry.

see open roles →